I've been holding this in my heart, but today, I want to let it out.
If you’ve been a loyal reader of my blog, you already know how excited I was when I received an offer to work in Borneo. It was a dream I had held onto for so long, something I truly wanted to experience. You can read about that excitement in my previous posts.
My moving to Kota Kinabalu,Sabah story
But in the fourth quarter of 2024, I received bad news that changed everything. You can read about it in below post.
Life Story: Different Than I Planned
That moment shattered my dream, and now, just two days after leaving my job, I find myself telling myself: I will never dream of working in Borneo again. This experience has been one of the craziest rides of my life, leaving me feeling deeply disappointed. It’s been years since I felt this way—perhaps not since my first heartbreak more than 13 years ago. For the longest time, I had never experienced eating while crying, but this journey to fulfill my dream in Borneo changed that. It broke me. And this time, it was even worse because I dragged my family into this whirlwind. That’s what makes my disappointment even deeper—I was so eager to grab the opportunity that I didn’t realize I was walking into a nightmare.
To be really honest, since moving to Kota Kinabalu, my life hasn’t been better except it felt comforting to have my in-laws nearby, but we lived quite far and we are working adult so we lived our own life so most of the time, I’ve been through hell. My finances have suffered, my health has declined (I even had to undergo emergency surgery while living here), and I constantly question my decision to move. I thought living here would make life easier, with family support nearby and opportunities to grow my career. But the reality is, we don’t live in isolation—we work with people, and sometimes, circumstances are beyond our control. To make it worse, my reality is not match with this dream. I won't share details on my reality because it's will be Too Much Information(TMI). All I can say is my dream is not match with my reality so that's why I can't stayed in KK and I feel like its not aligned with my long term dream for my son's education.
Despite this pain, I want to take something positive from this experience. Life has taught me a lesson in the hardest way possible and I won't forget all the good memories we make here with my in law family, without them, I don't think this journey will worth to go. Through this lowest and most difficult season, I’ve learned to be resilient, to fight for myself, and to take full responsibility for my choices.
For now, I will let go of my dream of working in Borneo. I will bury it for a long time because the disappointment is too fresh. It hurts to admit that something I longed for was short-lived, but I have to move forward. I will only come back to Borneo when Christmas and family matters.
Right now, as I take my first steps away from this chapter of my life, I am choosing to heal. I know that disappointments like this don’t define me. Instead, they shape me into someone stronger and wiser.
I won’t lie—moving forward isn’t easy. There are days when I wake up feeling lost, wondering if I made the right decision. But deep inside, I remind myself that every ending leads to a new beginning. I may have lost this dream, but it doesn’t mean I’ve lost myself.
I still believe in new opportunities, in growth, and in second chances. I don’t know where my next journey will take me, but one thing is certain—I will keep going. Because that’s who I am.
And to those of you who are facing setbacks, I want you to know that it’s okay to feel hurt. It’s okay to feel like your world has turned upside down. But after the pain, you must stand up again. Life doesn’t stop here. You are meant for more.
So here’s to moving forward, to chasing new dreams, and to believing that the best is yet to come.
.HEIC)
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