I honestly don't know where or how to start this blog post.
I actually feel hesitant to recall what has happened in my life this year. I love to remember the good memories, but I feel bad remembering the bad ones. However, it's good to reflect because it serves as a reminder to myself and my readers that all situations we face in life are temporary.
I started drafting this post two weeks ago while my son and husband were sleeping. I love this moment in my life where I can write and reflect in peace. I prepared it beforehand so I would have time to recall, write, and summarize what happened this year, knowing I'd be busy traveling or spending time with family at the end of the year.
Early This Year
Looking back to the beginning of this year, in January and February, I was on my notice period at my previous job. I honestly felt sad to leave that position—I loved the work so much, but the vision for that role didn’t align with what I wanted in life. That position was super comfortable for me and, of course, challenging—but that’s work!
During this notice period, I constantly asked myself, "Do I really want to spend another year in KL with this kind of life?" Life was always hectic, always needing to be faster and faster. I felt so tired, perhaps because I'm getting older.
During this time, I prayed hard to God for direction. I even prayed, “God, if You asked me what I want now, I want to go back and work in Borneo, and I want my husband to be able to work there too.” I said it simply because, for years, I'd been searching for job opportunities that matched my skills and experience, but nothing came up. I almost gave up, but I believed God would make a way when there seemed to be no way.
The Beginning of Turbulence
When March came, no job opportunities in Borneo had appeared. I prayed, “Takpalah, maybe memang tak ada rezeki to go back and work in Borneo.” So, I started applying to companies in KL and went for a few interviews. But deep inside, I knew God would make a way.
And yes! God is always on time! One fine Sunday evening, I opened Jobstreet and saw a Senior Software QA position in Kota Kinabalu and Kuching! At first, I thought I was berangan tahap tinggi because my desire to return and work in Borneo was so intense that I figured I must be hallucinating. So, I closed the page and told myself, “Let’s pray about it so it’s real and not just my imagination.”
After dinner, I told my husband about it and said, “If I open Jobstreet again and the position is still there, I’ll apply!” That night, I opened it again, and it was still there! I applied and left it in God’s hands. The next morning (Monday), the company called and scheduled an interview. A week later, I was informed that I got the job—and it was in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah!
Everything moved so fast!
We were so happy...
But
.
.
.
Life doesn’t go that smoothly for people like me! I got the job in March but finally received the offer letter in early April. I know, it sounds crazy! I thought I was being scammed. I called HR to confirm, and they assured me it wasn’t a scam—the onboarding process was just slow, with many approvals needed. Since it took so long, I felt it was a red flag and called to reject the offer. But HR reassured me, and I patiently waited.
Oh, it didn’t stop there!
There was another twist that made me feel truly crazy! This offer was contract-based. You know how contracts can change anytime, right? I don’t know where I found the nerve to accept and just go for it!
Relocating to KK, Sabah
After we moved to KK, life didn’t get easier. It became tougher than I ever imagined. My finances became terrible because I was paying for two houses (my house in Kajang and our rental house in KK), along with double the bills. Yes, I felt crazy and told my close friends Maz and Marina, “I think something is wrong with my brain.” I didn’t know why I chose this path.
I was too obsessed with my #backtoborneodream, and all I got was financial trouble that affected me deeply. I cried almost every night, feeling that I had made the worst decision of my life. I felt bad for myself, my son, and my husband. I was selfish for chasing my dream.
Sudah Jatuh, Ditimpa Tangga Lagi
Then, in October, my manager informed me that my contract wouldn’t be renewed after 31 March 2025 due to changes in management! I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw this message. My manager had previously assured me the contract would continue, which was one reason I accepted it. After hearing this, I felt so down and thought I’d been kena game by life again. I turned to God and prayed, “God, what should I do now? What’s next?”
There’s Light at the End of the Tunnel
Despite feeling down, I remind myself to be grateful for whatever happens. If I listened to my heart, there’d be nothing to be grateful for—I am mencari maut! But I remind myself that God knows what lies ahead and what we need.
This year was hard, but I’m grateful for my husband, my family, my in-laws, and my friends (Maz and Marina) who have been my strong support system. Without them, I couldn’t have faced these challenges.
I thank God for giving me strength and being with me during life’s challenges. Sometimes I feel like God is nowhere, but I keep searching for Him.
I don’t have anything to say to 2025, but all I want is a permanent job in KK and for my Borneo Working Mom dream to thrive!
Please keep supporting me! 💖
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