Lonely Motherhood

When I became a mother, I expected to feel a lot of things — joy, exhaustion, love, maybe even a bit of fear. 

But loneliness? I didn’t see that coming.

It’s strange, isn’t it? 

You can be surrounded by your kids, your spouse, and family even friends, and still feel so alone. Your days are filled with endless tasks: feeding, cleaning, working, wiping tears (sometimes your own). But somewhere between those busy hours, a quiet loneliness creeps in. And it lingers.

The Isolation That No One Mentions

Motherhood is beautiful, yes, but it can also be isolating. Friends who don’t have kids might not understand why you can’t just “come out for a bit.” or maybe some people will think, how come you feel so lonely, you have your kid and husband that will always make your days... Conversations can feel superficial because the truth is, you’re holding back — afraid that if you open up, you might sound like you’re complaining or worse, like you’re failing.

And then there’s this pressure to have it all together. To smile and say, “I’m fine,” even when you’re anything but.

Losing Yourself, Little by Little

I didn’t realize how much of myself I’d lose. The hobbies I loved, the spontaneous coffee dates, the sense of freedom — they all slowly slipped away. My identity became wrapped up in being “mom,” and while I love that title, it felt like I lost the me behind it. I am glad I still have my blog so I can source out my loneliness and poured my heart out loud.

There were days I’d look in the mirror and wonder, “Who is this person?” And that feeling of not recognizing yourself? It makes the loneliness even heavier.

Why Is It So Hard to Admit?

Maybe it’s because admitting to loneliness feels like admitting we’re not cut out for this. Or maybe it’s because we think we shouldn’t feel this way when we have these precious little people who love us unconditionally. 

But the truth is, loving motherhood and feeling lonely in it can exist at the same time.

Finding Connection, One Step at a Time

If you’re reading this and nodding along, know that you’re not the only one feeling this way. I’ve started taking small steps to reconnect with myself and others, and maybe these might help you too:

• Reach out to your friend mom. Even a simple, “How are you really doing?” can open up a heart-to-heart you both need.
• Make time for yourself, guilt-free. Read a book, take a long shower, go for a walk, do what usually make you happy  — even 10 minutes can remind you that you’re more than just a mom.
• Be honest about how you feel. It’s okay to say you’re lonely. Sometimes just speaking the words out loud makes the weight a little lighter.
• Find a community. Online groups, local meet-ups, or even just a friend who gets it — having someone who understands makes all the difference. If you lived in Borneo, you can join Borneo Working Mom Group HERE. 

You’re Not Alone in This

Loneliness in motherhood is real, but it doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom. It doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful. It just means you’re human.

You don’t have to carry this alone. Reach out, take a deep breath, and remember: You’re doing an amazing job. And you are not alone.