I never thought that this 2025 would be my lost season.If I had known beforehand, maybe I could've prepared myself better in emotionally, mentally, financially and spiritually.
But I didn't know. And life came in like a wave I couldn't stop.
January 2025
I began this year with illness.
I was unwell since year end. When I see the doctor, the doctor diagnosed me that I was kencing kotor, need to drink more water. At the same time, my heart felt heavy with uncertainty in my career in KK.
Still, I tried to stay positive, hoping for miracle and doing my best to retain my career in KK. Deep down, I was struggling but I held on.
February 2025
Out of nowhere, I had to undergo surgery to remove a cyst.
This is the reason why am I so sick during the beginning of the year. I never saw this coming. The physical pain was one thing but the emotional and financial toll left me feeling even more vulnerable. I keep wondering, why now?
During this time, my dad keep video calling me everyday asking how am I healing? My dad really worry about me. I can't really video call with him too long this time because every video call, I will cried so hard. I feel so weak because I'm feeling unwell and I'm about to lose my job in KK. I just can't bear the heartbroken. During this time, I really ask God, why now? why am I get this illness and my contract will end on 31 March 2025 and this will effect my career so much!
But, again, I tried my best to keep going. My medical leave supposed to be 4 weeks but I just on medical leave for 2 weeks due to so much work to finish and at the same time, I entitled 14 days medical leave and if I take more than that, it will become unpaid leave so I can't accept that. So, I just work like usual, need to be stronger than before. Despite this challenge, I am grateful I can work from home sometimes.
March 2025
The hardest blow came. It's was confirmed that I lost my job in KK.
The stability I was clinging to slipped through my fingers. I felt like I was watching my dreams collapse in slow motion. It was my first major heartbreak this year. And, for the longest time, this is my first time crying so hard when I'm eating my food. The last time I feel this way back when I had my big breakup back in 2013 with my ex boyfriend. I never felt so heartbroken after that until this moment. I feel so heartbroken but I keep in faith that one day, a bright day will come so I just go on with this life. Trying to find a better opportunity here and there. It's not an easy journey. Most my nights I cried on my sleep and I wake up in the morning, praying to God to give me strong heart and mindset for whatever coming in this life.
April 2025
After my husband and I discussed, we decided to packed up and moved back to Kajang, hoping for a new beginning. I let go of my #workinginborneo dream with so heartbroken.
I updated my resume countless times, applied for a job after job, attended interviews but no offers came.
To make things worse, my family told me that my dad's health was deteriorating. I wanted to go back to kampung to be with him, to take care of him. But, at the same time, I'm looking for a new job. I told my mum, I want to come back home instead of going to Kajang but she want me to focus on finding a job. I understood her intentions, but my heart was torn.
I really tried my best to focus on finding job but most of the time, I feel it's so hard than before and it always not went smoothly, I just don't know why...
May 2025
Still no job offer.
I gave my best during interviews, but the rejections kept coming. Every night I cried, asking God what’s next for me? Why is this happening all at once?
During this time, I missed my dad so much. I wanted to go home, to hug him, to sit beside him and talk like we used to. But money is so tight this time...
So, I started selling Borneo Working Mom Homemade sambal Lia Akaw, trying to make ends meet.
Then, one kind friend transferred me some money—and thanks to that act of kindness, I got to go home and see my dad.
13 May 2025
I lost my dad.
Forever.
This was my second heartbreak of the year.
The first was losing my job.
Now, I’ve lost one of the strongest pillars in my life.
I often imagine life as a house with four tiang rumah (main pillars). It’s a metaphor for the foundations of a person’s life. The key elements that help us stand firm and feel grounded.
For me, the four pillars are:
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Faith – my belief in God and spiritual foundation.
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Family – the love and support from those closest to me.
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Parents – the roots of my life and source of strength.
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Career/Job – where I grow, contribute, and gain independence.
When these four are strong, you feel balanced, stable, sane.
But this year, I’ve lost two of them.
.
.
This is my lost season.
But maybe… just maybe… this is also the season where I’ll learn to rebuild.
I don’t know what tomorrow holds, and I don’t have all the answers. But I believe that even in this lost season, God is still writing my story. Maybe I needed to lose some things to find something greater. Maybe this brokenness is the soil where something new will grow. For now, I’ll allow myself to grieve, to rest, and to heal. And when I’m ready, I’ll start rebuilding—one tiang at a time.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” — Psalm 147:3
I would like to take this opportunity to say biggest thank you to my husband for being there with me during this hardest season in my life. You are currently fulfill your our vow and I hope that we will panjang umur to fulfill our vow to each other.
My dear family, we are in this season together and I want to say, thank you very very much for take my hand(help me) when I asking for help. I am at my lowest point of my life and actually I feel ashamed to ask help. I feel really really bad and hurt my pride and ego whenever I reach out for help but I have no one to reach out other than my family.
Lastly, my dear friends especially Maznee, Marina and Jue. You guys know that know my situation in first hand. You guys are the best thing ever happen to me in my life. I prayed that God will bless you guys more and more.
Of course, to my dear God, Jesus Christ that I always believe in. During this hardest moment, I face it with God. I prayed to Him many times to pull me out from this season, it's been so hard. It's blow after blow, back to back but then, I realized I need to be in this season or I need to face this season because this to prepare me to be more resilience and stronger to face this world. I am not complaining this season, but I will face it no matter what!
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