I Feel My World Is Crumbled

Back when I was in my 20s, I felt like I was on the right track in life. I was proud of the woman I was becoming. I succesfully saved money that I specifically saved for my first and dream house. I had my own car, which I was close to paying off. I cleared my credit card debt and paid PTPTN(student loan) consistently. I believed—truly believed—that my future would be bright.

I was financially responsible, emotionally grounded, and optimistic. I thought I had it all figured out.

Fast forward to 2025, and I feel like I’ve lost everything.

I lost my job in Apr 2025.

And the following month… I lost my dad.

I can’t even describe the pain of those two losses hitting me back-to-back. The security I worked so hard to build collapsed. The emotional strength I used to be proud of faded into numbness. Suddenly, all the plans I had for the future felt pointless.

My heart feels weak now.

Every day feels heavier than the last.

And now, I’m even considering letting go of this house, the one I worked so hard since my adult life.

Sometimes, I sit alone and wish, if only my dad were still here.

I just want to talk to him. Just to tell him everything that’s weighing me down.

If he were here, I know I’d feel more at ease. I know I’d still have someone who believed in me, someone who would tell me that I can rise again.

But he’s gone.

And with him, it feels like a part of me is gone too.

I try to be strong, but the truth is, I feel broken. I feel like I’m grieving not only my father, but the version of myself that once had it all together. The one who had dreams. The one who smiled more. The one who believed that she could do anything.

Right now, all I can do is survive one day at a time.

I’m not writing this for sympathy.

I’m writing this because sometimes we need to say it out loud:

“I’m not okay.”

Right now, all I can do is survive one day at a time.

I’m not sure when things will get better. I don’t have any hopeful quotes to end this with. I just feel tired.

I feel empty.

And I miss my dad more than anything.

Maybe one day I’ll understand why all this had to happen.

But today is not that day.

I’m still here.

Even if I don’t feel strong.

Even if everything feels like it’s falling apart.

And maybe… that’s enough for now.