Lately, if you keep up with the Malaysia entertainment news, you already heard news that actor,Fattah Amin and actress Fazura wanted to called it quit in their marriage after just 7 years of marriage and from what I read, there's several artists that also married for 7 years also called it quit(divorced) and people called it, its because of 7 itch of marriage.
This make wondering about what is 7 years itch in marriage, is it real?
My husband and I just celebrated our 5 years anniversary few days ago and read about this make me nervous now. As a curious person, I'm looking for what is 7 years itch and how can we prevent this 7 years itch?
What is the 7 years itch?
I googled about it and actually, the 7 years itch come out from movie starring by Marilyn Monroe back in 1955. It's about a married man becomes so infatuated with his wife and he planning to cheat on his wife. The man has been reading a psychiatrist's manuscript, which claims that all men cheat in their 7 years of marriage- which is exactly how long he's been married.
That's how the term " 7 years itch" was born. It now used to describe feeling dissatisfied or restless in a relationship at or around the 7 years mark.
Is the 7 years itch real?
According to what I read, there's no definitive proof that the 7 years itch is real - or that it isn't, either.
But, according to statistic, the percentage of divorces tends to spike around the 7 years of marriage.
It's reported that, the level of satisfaction in the marriage is declines or stabilizes as the years add up. Of course, the 7 years mark, the husband and wife are well past the honeymoon phase and issues may have begun to arise.
With years add up, marital struggles can include issues like poor communication and listening skills, a lack of empathy and husband and wife having unrealistic expectations of one another. Those issues can be created or compounded by the pressure of raising kids, dealing with finances and other issues including facing differences in values and beliefs when it comes to culture, religion and politics.
Symptoms of the 7 years itch
If you've started to feel dissatisfied or unfulfilled in your marriage, it's important to look at the reasons and get to the root of the issues.
Here are some symptoms that you can check:
- A lack of physical and/or emotional intimacy
- Poor communication
- Increased conflict including arguing, hurtful words or criticism
- Keeping secrets from your partner.
- Not spending much or any meaningful time spent together
- Taking one another for granted and/or feeling unappreciated
- A lack of trust
- Fantasizing about infidelity
- You may also feel low motivation to improve your marital dynamics.
If you want your marriage to succeed, it's critical to identify the issues and commit to working through them.
How can you avoid the 7 years itch?
First, remember, the idea of the 7 years itch began with a movie and there's no scientific proof that it's real phenomenon. But, if you do start to feel, well itchy in your relationship at 7 years or any other time, there's are steps you can take to make sure your marriage stays strong.
1. Work on your communication skills
You can't fix something that you can't talk about.
Good communication is a key element of any healthy relationship and it's one of the best ways to ward off the supposed 7 years itch.
You and your partner should be in the habit of talking to one another regularly about your feelings and concerns. Always prioritizing communication and working on your own listening skills helps prevent misunderstanding and strengthens your bond.
2. Examine your assumptions
When you're feeling a certain way, it can be difficult to see it from someone else's perspective. But getting stuck in your own head can lead you to make incorrect assumptions about your partner's feelings, which can derail your relationship.
Please monitor your own assumptions about what your partner is thinking or feeling. Don't expect your partner to know what you're thinking or feeling.
In the end, this one comes back to communication skills. Instead of guessing, assuming or inferring, ask. Sitting down to talk it out with your partner can nip problems in the bud before they progress.
Not sure how to put things into words? Try putting it in WhatsApp to your partner.
3. Reignite the spark
Physical intimacy is an important part of most romantic relationship.
Always try to prioritize intimacy, even in times of stress. If you're not sure how to re-approach sex after a hiatus, planning a surprise date night or a small gateway can help rekindle the vibes.
But, if your decrease in physical intimacy has been due to sexual dysfunction, pain during sex or other physical concerns, don't hesitate to speak with a healthcare provider. They can help you get to the core of the issue so you can get back to the bedroom with confidence.
4. Spend more time together
This one may sound counterintuitive at first because if you're not feeling your partner right now, spending more time with them may be the last thing you think you want. But prioritizing meaningful time together can bring back together emotionally.
The hustle and bustle of everyday life - from kids and jobs and home to whatever else you've got going on- can make it all too easy to spend time on everything except for one another.
You don't necessarily have to love all the same things that your spouse does, but showing interest in their hobbies or pursuing an activity that's new to both of you can help bring you closer together.
5. Show your appreciation
Over time, you may start to feel undervalued or unappreciated by your spouse - or vice versa. Even if you don't mean to take one another for granted, it can be all too easy to forget to show your gratitude.
Make an effort to both show and tell your partner how much you appreciate them and the role they play in your life. Sometimes, that's as simple as saying "thank you" though you can also learn their love language so you can express your thanks in ways that are most meaningful.
6. Choose your social circle wisely
You may not even realize the ways that your friends are sabotaging your relationship. If all of your friends are in toxic relationships and you hear about it all the time, you may find yourself following their lead even without realized it.
Spend time with positive positive people who will help strengthen your relationship. Avoid unsupportive people who may try to weaken your relationship or encourage you to compromise your values.
This doesn't mean you have to cut ties with friends whose relationships are on the rocks. But it does mean taking a close look at how certain friends may try to convience you to engage in bad behaviour alongside them.
7. Seek support from a professional
When your relationship is on shaky ground, consider calling in some professional assistance. You may want to pursue help from a trained mental health professional, either in the form of individual therapy or couples therapy or both.
A therapist or counselor can help you and your partner navigate your issues and learn tools to strengthen your relationship for the long haul.
8. Know what not to do, too
Just as important as knowing what to do is knowing what not to do.
When you're grappling with 7 years itch concerns, it's important not to seek comfort in potentially problematic or addictive behaviors. These can worsen your relationship problems, as well as your own wealth like alcohol, gambling, pornography and more.
Don't make any sudden, significant life changes during this time either like moving out of the home you share, changing your job or career or making a significant purchase that would have financial issue.
I hope this sharing can help you in the relationship.
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